Last day in Salzburg. Three days of mountains, and we still hadn’t properly done the castle. The Hohensalzburg Fortress — the massive thing that sits on top of the hill and stares down at the entire old town like it’s judging everyone’s life choices.
Time to storm it.
The View from the Top#
We got up early, which meant we basically had the place to ourselves. The morning light was perfect and the fortress delivered immediately.
The first room we found had a cannon aimed out the window. I approved of this immediately.
Inside the Fortress#
The courtyard was empty. Just us, some pigeons, and 900 years of history.
Murder Holes#
The ramparts had a view south toward the Untersberg — the same mountain that tried to kill us two days ago.
But the real discovery was inside. We found a murder hole. An actual, look-straight-down-at-where-the-attackers-would-be murder hole, with an iron grate over it.
Naturally, we had to look down it.
I have been obsessed with murder holes ever since I learned they existed. The concept is perfect. You build a little overhang, you leave gaps in the floor, and when someone tries to break down your door, you pour terrible things on them from above. It’s architecture with attitude. It’s defense with drama. Every castle should have them. And this one let us look straight down through it.
The Deep Fortress#
The corridors got narrower. The walls got thicker. The doors got heavier.
Then we found the horn room.
I don’t know how else to describe it. A corridor full of brass horns and trumpets mounted to the walls, connected by a tangle of piping that ran up the walls and across the ceiling. This is apparently related to the Salzburger Stier — a massive mechanical organ from 1502 that still “roars” daily. Salzburg, you are deeply weird and I respect that.
The Golden Hall#
Then the fortress stopped being a fortress and started being a palace.
The Golden Hall had a blue coffered ceiling studded with hundreds of gold bosses meant to look like a starry sky. Gothic wood paneling, heraldic crests, long white-linen tables. The Prince-Archbishops who lived here were supposedly men of God. They had very expensive taste in ceilings.
Next door, the Golden Room was even more ornate — a massive Gothic tiled stove sitting on ceramic lions, gold-leaf coffered ceiling, painted walls. All inside a fortress built for war. The contrast was absurd.
And then, behind an ornate paneled door: a medieval toilet. Because even Prince-Archbishops needed to go, and apparently they needed to go in style.
The Pretzel Quest#
On the way out, we passed a food stall selling massive pretzels, bratwurst, and Bosna. The Red Bull fridge reminded us we were in the birthplace of the energy drink empire. We noted the pretzels. We filed this information away.
See, there was a specific pretzel place in town that Nicholas had been wanting to try. The problem: it was only open during certain hours, and every time we’d walked by, it was either closed or “getting ready.”
On our last pass through, it was open. And it had a line. A very, very long line.
Nicholas wanted that pretzel. Pokin looked at him, looked at the line, and said she’d handle it. She walked back and stood in the line while Nicholas waited with the luggage.
The verdict: the pretzel was massive. And it was… okay. Just okay. A for effort. Full marks for dedication. But the pretzel itself was aggressively average.
Sometimes the quest is better than the prize.
Onwards#
Four days in Salzburg. We came for the Sound of Music hills and couldn’t get to them. We hiked the Untersberg and got chased off by lightning. We scrambled up a mountain labeled “experienced only” just because the sign was there. We stormed a 900-year-old fortress and found murder holes, a golden ceiling, a mechanical horn organ, and a medieval toilet.
Salzburg was supposed to be a quick stop. It turned into one of the best stretches of the whole trip.
Next stop: Munich. I’ve been told there will be beer. I’ve been promised there will be pretzels. Better ones, hopefully.