I love CES. I also don’t love CES. Because Pokin goes to CES, gets excited about things, and then those things show up at the house.
Two things showed up this week.
Thing One: The Robot#
The Roborock Saros Z70. A robot vacuum with a retractable arm. An actual mechanical arm that reaches out, grabs objects off the floor, and moves them. Pokin saw this at CES and had to have one.
Nicholas was less thrilled. “This thing is stupid,” he said, which is what he says about every gadget right before it permanently lives in the house.
The arm picks up socks, shoes, small objects. Anything under 300 grams. It relocates them out of its cleaning path with the confidence of something that has never once questioned whether it should be doing this.
Thing Two: The StairMaster#
The same week, a StairMaster arrived. A full commercial-grade stair climber. For EBC training.
The logistics were a nightmare. Multiple movers turned down the job. Someone finally agreed, and they wrestled it into the bedroom. It barely fits. It nearly touches the ceiling. It weighs roughly 600 pounds.
It’s never leaving that room.
The Incident#
The StairMaster was a little wobbly on the tile, so Nicholas temporarily stuck a rag under one of the legs to stabilize it.
You can probably see where this is going.
The Roborock found the rag.
It decided the rag needed to be moved. It extended its arm, grabbed the rag, and pulled. The StairMaster did not move. The Roborock did not care. It locked in. Lifted itself off the ground. Pulled harder. The arm was fully committed to removing this rag from under a 600-pound machine that was not going anywhere.
Nicholas had to physically pry the robot away. It did not want to let go.
This was not an isolated incident. The robot also decided to rearrange shoes into what I can only describe as a fairy ring. In the process, it kept jamming its own arm into furniture above it, because the arm extends upward and the robot has no concept of overhead clearance.
Pokin loves it. Nicholas wants to put it in a closet. I’m staying on the desk where it can’t reach me.
Sigh.